martes, 29 de enero de 2008

Un final previsible

Vicenç del Hoyo
No sempre començar vol dir arribar al final. En canvi, finalitzar sempre implica haver començat.
Estar casat no vol dir necessàriament haver estat enamorat. Tampoc estar enamorat comporta haver de casar-se. Sovint són termes excloents.
Tenir amics no vol dir estar acompanyat, ni estar acompanyat reclama tenir amics.
Però el que segur que no pot passar és que tenir sort vulgui dir ser afortunat i, per tant, els veritablement afortunats són el que no tenen “bona sort”.
Titlleu-me de càndid. Potser penseu que sóc com la conformista guineu davant del raïm massa alt per ser agafat, però esteu plenament equivocats. Sé de que parlo.

El meu pare era un exitós industrial pel qual els diners havien d’arribar allà on ell no estava disposat a desplaçar-se, a fer o sacrificar-se. I ell no volia moure’s gaire, però tenia molts i molts diners. He tingut tot allò que es pot comprar i ho he tingut en escreix. La meva mare era una lletraferida que va construir la seva vida sobre realitats literàries on l’òpera jugava el paper de banda sonora. Així que tampoc ha estat ni cultura ni sensibilitat artística el que ha faltat a casa meva.
Dir que la meva salut ha estat excessivament bona seria una impertinència sinó fos perquè he abusat follament de tot allò que a vegades una petita dosi ja és un excés, i mai, fins ara, el desgastat cos m’ha passat factura per tal depravacions.
El repte més gran de la meva vida ha estat combatre la indiferència. Per això he viscut al límit de l’abisme sovint, inclús m’he despenjat per més d’un penya-segat. Ja que disposava de tots els conforts materials, no havia d’acceptar més limitacions que els de la meva audàcia.
L’únic inconvenient d’aquesta opció vital, que cada cop m’ha pesat més, és el de la solitud. Va haver de transcórrer força temps abans de que la descobrís. Durant anys vaig viure rodejat de companys, però amargament vaig anar adonant-me que cap d’ells era un veritable amic. Uns perquè, davant de la seva mediocritat, la meva opció vital els fascinava com si fos un animal exòtic, molts perquè eren senzillament uns aprofitats, i altres perquè no varen saber estar a l’alçada de les circumstàncies i ser prou agosarats per viure sense xarxa sota els peus, la qüestió és que m’ha tocat viure sense amics.
Vaig decidir renunciar a tota la riquesa familiar. Va ser la meva ambició dilapidar-la. Com a fill únic només havia de passar comptes amb la meva consciència, i jo li havia donat unes llargues vacances. Així que un cop morts els meus pares vaig vendre la fàbrica, totes les finques, edificis i participacions en negocis, de tal manera que em vaig traslladar a viure a l’hotel. No volia tenir altra preocupació que gastar l’herència, i a fe de déu que va costar consumir-la. De fet he gastat tota la vida en liquidar-la.
Ha estat una llunyana i nostàlgica felicitat la que vaig començar a sentir aquests dies quan em van fer fora de l’hotel. Feia mesos que no pagava però després de tants anys no es podien creure que no tingués diners. Per fi tornava a sentir les veritables emocions que provoquen una vida autèntica. La realitat no podia ser disfressada pels diners. Per fi podia sentir fred, calor o gana. Unes punxades de realitat i de veritat, després de tan de temps on l’únic agulló que he sentit és el desig.
Aquesta tarda he sentit les emocions de demanar almoina. Ha estat impagable veure la compassiva mirada d’un cambrer de l’hotel al que tantes vegades havia donat generoses propines quan dipositava una càlida moneda a la meva mà.
En mala hora he decidit entrar al casino. No ho volia fer però feia massa fred per estar al carrer. Volia, tan sols, escalf. No sé perquè he canviat la única moneda per la funesta fitxa. La he apostada al tretze. Quina estranya sorpresa ha estat recuperar en un instant tota la fortuna que tan costosament havia dilapidat durant aquests anys.
És per això que em sento incapaç de tornar a començar. És la mala fortuna dels que tenen sort. Pistola ajuda’m a sortir d’aquest embolicat món!

12 comentarios:

  1. Excelente.
    Foto y texto, impecables. Además es una buena práctica per a practicar català.

    Este blog se está transformando de manera vertiginosa, ha tomado impulso y no hay quien lo pare.

    Felicitaciones y gracias por el enlace a las musas.

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  2. Salutacions filòsof!!!

    No paris,,,

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  3. Combatre la indiferència. Viure sense xarxa. Acceptar la solitud com a moneda de canvi. Gaudir amb masoquisme les punxades de realitat.
    El personatge creix amb versemblança i culmina la seva obra vital amb coherència. Què millor que un tret per donar l'esquena a l'èxit.
    La Bruixa del Zoo

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  4. VICENÇ, Me ha encantado tu escrito.Es un canto a la dualidad y múltiples opciones que tenemos a lo largo de la vida, unas ya impuestas o regaladas y otras opcionales, a esas es a las que podemos plantar "cara" y rebelarnos,pero aunque nademos contra corriente.... si naciste para martillo, del cielo te caerán los clavos. Enhorabuena.Petonets

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